in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
