Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I want is dick and wine.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
