"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
