I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
