i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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