am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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