Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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