Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
