you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
