oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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