someone threw a dead crab at me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
did you just send me my own nude
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
