; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
