I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
