They should really pass out barf bags in church
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
