Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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