I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
