Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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