he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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