that's an acceptable place to lick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
