its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
