Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I cockslap morals
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
