so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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