The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
