Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
