We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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