why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Alive.
So much puke
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
