I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
