I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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