just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
