Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he was CRYING into my vagina
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
