I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
