guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
