you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
