It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
