she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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