Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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