I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is it because I queefed?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
