She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
