Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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