A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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