Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
