I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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