I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
