I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
