I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
