I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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