Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
