when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
