i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
