I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
