One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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