I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
