All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
