nut hugger
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
