i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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