I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
