6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
