dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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